touch the ground.

These days, I have something in common with the shredded cabbage in your coleslaw.

And eating isn’t a refuge.
Sleeping is torture.
My body misses you and sometimes
I realize it.
But my mind craves, needs you
like oxygen.

and
I think I’m bleeding.
I think I lost a lot of blood
that other day.
I think I’m ready
for a breakdown.

and the rain I am hoping for
never came.
Even sweet corn wouldn’t make me
smile today.
Even sex wouldn’t.

I think it would just depress me.

But what’s beyond depression
anyway.

antivirus.

this is not asking for more, not even asking for what is there to ask. can we just go, just go. and

siguro puedeng lumipad muna.
and go wherever our minds will take us for sometime.

ocean. I always think of the ocean. I can lose myself there, perhaps in the process I can see myself again. been too long. I can feel myself grow old if i try to remember.

then I'm losing sight and i'm missing the moon.
and knowing the scent of your breath again. and even your taste.
and the barest shrug, and that silent movement that your hands make. and knowing that there isn't any reason at all.

and I'm listening to old songs, and i remember the warm analogies of ferris wheels, some round things and our lives at the moment.

i happened to get off the ferris wheel. and hoping you'd look at all the other rides. and come with me.

"somebody save me cause my mind is a train, and it dont have a destination and it dont know my name"

thank you for holding my hand.

somewhen1.3

it's still night here. and im still blind.
for some moment yesterday, the sun came up from underground.
and afterimages are still there..
faint now but I'm still blind.

somewhen1.2

only waiting for the rain to break.
And shame the sun beyond blushing. Beyond everything warm it can resurrect.
And call for its own.
Fervent want. Be here. Like the rain. Cold and reassuring.
More than enough to cover me.
And, yes, I'll be warm enough for the two of us.

somewhen1.1

the sun's underground and when the rain's here,

it would be right next to the border of feeling better.

And it is getting cold again.

For whatever it's worth, I have to build my campfire.
There's no other way.

somewhen1.0

I'll be quiet in the rain. Is this death?

and I have to unlearn all my lovesongs.
i'll sing my birthday song again.
and wait for the rain. and if you'll only sing for me again.
we'll go to the beach again and listen to infinity crash and recede and come back again.

we'll be the evening's phosphorescence, leaving yellow neon afterglows in the dark.
in the meantime, i'll be quiet in my rain.
and yes, i'll also cry.

some firsts.

and some seconds. and everything after. writing because of some seven months absence.